Shock or Awe ~ I choose AWWWW!

You may have guessed by the name of my blog that I am not one to be easily shocked.  I have lived all over the world. I’ve been a registered nurse for 15 years.  I single handedly raised 3 sons.  I’ve seen some shit. But show me an advertisement featuring animal abuse and I’ll show you someone who can haul ass, at the speed of light, to turn the channel.

The first 4 notes of Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” are all it takes.

I have 2 rescue cats.  I have donated money to animal charities.  I have donated time to shelters, and I still feel like human garbage whenever those come on simply because I belong to the Homosapien family.

These little critters need help and I don’t think making people feel terrible is the best way to go about it.  Wouldn’t it be more effective if people actually saw the ads?
What if they even LIKED them?

According to the ASPCA, approximately 7.6 million companion animals enter animal shelters nationwide every year. Of those, approximately 3.9 million are dogs and 3.4 million are cats. Each year, approximately 2.7 million animals are euthanized (1.2 million dogs and 1.4 million cats).  A lot of the little creatures are eventually put down, but many, many more of them are getting new homes.  SHOW THOSE!  PLEASE!!!

I would love to see the joyful buggers with their new families…healthy, happy, loved.  The internet is overflowing with animal videos…dogs being goofy, bunnies being cuddly, cats being jerks..and people actively seek them out.

Hey, animal activists, if you want people to help, make them feel GOOD.  People WANT to feel good, they want to feel they have done a “good thing”.  They want to feel they are part of a chain of events that leads to this:


People do NOT want to feel that no matter what they do, no matter how much they give, no matter how much they care, they are still smacked in the eyeballs with this:


The graphic images just turn people away, and call me crazy, but that doesn’t seem like a useful way to spend those donated dollars.  Show a little HOPE.  Show that it actually HELPS.  Show that a donation makes a difference, an improvement, a happy beastie.

All About The Cat ~ Greenbelt Humane Society got it right…

Most people are aware there is a problem and many want to help but most of us don’t want our entire day ruined because we were blindsided by most heartbreaking visual the shock-monsters could get their hands on.

Shock or Awe ~ I choose AWWWW!

Pharming…ask your doctor if it’s right for you!

I spend the majority of my waking life in front of a computer screen.  I work online, I keep in touch with friends online, I kill murlocks & orcs online, I watch TV online…and I watch a lot of TV.  I work 8 hours a day in a home office, so I like to have something on in the background.  Netflix, Hulu, various network sites and YouTube generally do a great job of feeding the beast but once a week, our family takes a step back into the old ways.

We watch TV on the TV.

But not just any TV. We watch network TV on a station that shows old 80’s shows like Charlie’s Angels and Magnum P.I.  (His full name is Thomas Sullivan Magnum, in case you wondered. Trivia!)   Most of my online TV viewing does not contain commercials so I am often caught off guard with the massive onslaught of advertising during our throw back Thursdays.

And what advertising it is!  Every other commercial is for some sort of drug and the ones that aren’t are for something equally horrifying, like funeral insurance or a button you can wear around your neck so if you fall you can get help and not end up being eaten by your cats.

I thought the Viagra commercials were pretty bad, what with the middle aged guys wandering around, doing manly stuff with manly things, thinking about their manly wangs. But hold on…the ones starring the middle aged women are worse.  They stroll across a beach or lounge around an enormous bed, with their very carefully placed lighting, lamenting the poor souls with limp dick.  You do not have to be that unfortunate horny housewife!  Of course, it could cause your loved one to keel over with a heart attack, but what’s a little cardiac arrest when we are talking boners?

There is another drug commercial that airs frequently for people who suffer from social anxiety.  It shows a variety of poorly kempt people, living in dark, dreary rooms, looking out the window longingly at all the other people living their bright, shiny lives.    Yearn no more, for here is the solution with only a handful of side effects.  Including, but not limited to: excessive gas, memory loss, drooling, decreased IQ and greasy diarrhea.  Now you will have the confidence and sense of self to go out there and face the world head on.  You can meet all the fabulous people who will surely want to be friends with you now that you are out, about, farting and pooping your pants.  Sure, you may slobber a bit and babble like an idiot but that’s ok. You won’t remember it anyway.

Recently there has been one for a new drug that treats acne.  The side effects are minor…like the watery, bloody diarrhea.  I would have to have an absolute raging case of pizza face before I would take any medicine that could potentially turn my rear end into a flame thrower.  Actually, I don’t think there are enough zits in the world to convince me that this is a good idea. How does that even work? No one is going to notice your clear complexion when you are rectally hemorrhaging.

Zits are normal. 80 year old men with decreased testicular fortitude is normal.  Sometimes wanting to sit around in your room, not showering for days on end while you hate the world and everyone in it is normal.

But what do I know? I’m not a doctor.


Pharming…ask your doctor if it’s right for you!

And speaking of Vaginas…

Cailtyn Jenner, you don’t have one.  Although I support every human beings right to live life as they choose (providing they aren’t causing harm), you are not now, nor will you ever be, a woman.  You can dress like a woman, act like a woman, talk like a woman and believe yourself to be a woman but you, Madame, are not.

Saying you “feel like a woman” or “think like a woman” is crazy talk.  Have you ever, in your 65 years as a 6’2″, male, Gold Medal Decathlon winning life, ever wondered if today will be the day you are groped? Attacked? Abducted? Raped?  Because women think like that.

Did you ever suffer through the growth of your pubescent breasts, where even the slightest hug from Grandma almost brought you to tears?  (Not to mention the horrifying, ever creeping outward stretch marks that made your little nubbins appear to be some alien life form.)

Did you ever endure the taunts and stares from the boys (or male teachers) as those nubbins became full fledged breasts?  Maybe even a grab or two?  or three…

How bad were your menstrual cramps?  Were you a Pamprin girl or did you just suck it up like a champ?  Were you one of the brave souls who would jump in the pool, fingers crossed, on a 105 degree day or did you sit demurely, poolside and roast to death?

Did you ever wonder if your tampon would fall out during gym class?  Gah, gym class…don’t even get me started down that hell hole.

Did you ever change your plans because you were afraid to be out, alone, at night?  Did you ever have to watch your drink in a bar so that no one would slip something into it?  Have you ever been afraid because you are more than likely weaker than whomever may wish to harm you?

Have you walked down a street with your car keys laced between your fingers?  Do you even know what that means?

Did you ever have a pregnancy scare?  Sit and wonder what kind of shit show your life would become if you were to find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy?  No?  I didn’t think so.

Tell me about your pap smears, because those are pretty great.

Have you ever been denied a job because you are a woman? Get paid less? Told you might make more money or get better shifts if you were a little “friendlier to the boss”?  (true story)

Has anyone ever stalked you? Hit on you and then called you a bitch when you politely turned them down?  Have you been slut shamed?

Maybe if you had started down this path at a younger age, endured just a touch of what actual women go through, it would be a little easier for me to swallow.  But you haven’t earned your stripes. You managed to get a lot of the benefits that life has to give, as a man, without all the messy parts of being a woman.

Let me restate, you are free to do all the things you believe a woman is, but let’s be honest, you really have no idea what being a woman means or how a woman thinks. We are so much more than makeup, high heels and lingerie.

And speaking of Vaginas…

Dancing Clam…

Why Disco Vagina?  When I decided to start typing up and posting my various thoughts, ideas and general ramblings, I was pretty sure I would piss off someone at some point.  I figured, “Hey, if I name my blog “Disco Vagina” no one easily offended will bother looking at it!” And if they went ahead and looked anyway, they deserved what they got.

Dancing Clam…